


Imber

by CreativeTadpole



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:34:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24182164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeTadpole/pseuds/CreativeTadpole
Summary: Another storm has passed but Spencer and Emily can’t keep doing it.Set during ‘Wheels up’ 13x01.
Relationships: Emily Prentiss/Spencer Reid
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Imber

The adhesive pulled at her skin as she ripped the electrodes off. Emily winced at the red marks that were left in their place. Every movement felt heavy as she started to pack the bag in front of her. The aches in her body made the hospital bed almost tempting. However, she was not about to give in and put any weakness on display. Her sensations felt cloudy, the world around her muffled like she was underwater but she could still feel it. It was as if her subconscious homed in on him. She knew she had company. 

“I know you’re there Reid,” Emily announced. 

Her voice startled the agent standing at the door. He had not been there long, but long enough to be sure he had arrived undetected. The last thing he expected was to be pulled from his thoughts by her voice. 

“How?” He asked, cheeks slightly flushed with embarrassment. He hoped she had not realized he had spent the last few minutes simply staring at her. “I made sure to barely make a sound.” 

Emily smiled. His voice was close even though she had her back to him. His inflections were familiar and warm. Yet the familiarity was overwhelming. It sounded like the old Reid. The Reid they all had not heard from in months. And suddenly it was as much of a comfort as it was a reminder of her failure. Her failure to protect him and her team. Maybe that was why she could never take the leap. Catastrophe followed her. Conflicted between her longing and need to keep him from harm, Emily had decided long ago that she could do the latter best from a distance. 

“I can just feel you,” Emily said stoically, “If you have come to see if I am okay. Then I am okay.”

“That’s good.” He remained awkwardly in the doorway, waiting for an invite that never came. 

He studied Emily from behind. Examined her posture, the overly delicate way she folded up a sweater and how she supported her tired body against the bed she was leaning over. Quickly he came to the same conclusion he would have had if she was face to face with him. She was not okay. Hell, he had not needed to look for it. None of them were okay. But it was the external validation he required to ask his next question. 

“Are you sure? You seemed pretty shaken up before.”

Emily turned around, her face painted with a convincing reassuring smile. “I am sure”. 

However, she could tell he had read straight through it. 

“Reid, I need to thank you,” Emily continued. 

He frowned. There was a heavy weight in his throat. The guilt he had been carrying around had only intensified when he learnt of Emily’s disappearance. In his mind, he was the one who put them all in this situation. 

“For what?” He asked, finally entering the room in full. He gently closed the door behind him and sat down next to her on the bed. 

She hugged him in response, her arms rubbing circles on his back. Though his humility troubled her. She could almost see the thoughts forming in his brain. Her brain was doing the exact same thing. They were both full of guilt. 

“For being there. I know how hard it must have been for you. To not go after Scratch,” Emily said. 

But it wasn’t he thought to himself. It wasn’t hard at all, not once he realized. The choice was clear. The same it had been for over a decade. Her.

“You needed to know someone was real,” Reid replied. 

“I did.” She nodded, confirming the statement as much for herself as for him. 

Suddenly she was back in that room. She could feel him breathing on her. Her legs burning with an unimaginable pain. The metal contraption weighing down her legs. Emily found herself being unable to take a breath and the panic quickly rushed in until she heard his voice again. And then she was back in the room as quickly as she had left. 

“The drugs. You weren’t in control of your mind. I know how that feels,” Reid said, eyes downcast and focused on their dangling legs over the side of the bed. “If anything you saved me from my own mind tonight as well.”

“I know you, Reid. You would have not done anything stupid,” Emily said, gently squeezing his hand. He still didn’t meet her eye. 

“I threw a book today.”

The subtext of his words was not lost on her. Books were Reid's salvation, not a projection of his anger. 

It must have been bad. 

“This isn’t about me. I came here to see you.” He shook his head, hoping the confusion in his mind would disappear with the action, before changing the subject. “What are you doing with the bag?” 

Any other time Emily would have persisted. Dug further, but much like Reid, she had no energy left for any of this. 

“The doctor’s wrongly assumed that I would be staying the night,” Emily replied, her body tense in anticipation of his disapproval. 

“You’re leaving?” His voice was high. “You were just in a car accident. Then drugged!”

“Yes. I need to get out of here. Stephen...” Emily paused, willing her voice not to tremble. She had to remain in control. “Stephen is dead. I have to go and explain to his wife why her children no longer have a father. Explain how I let that happen.”

“It wasn’t your fault. And you need to be in the hospital, it’s dangerous-”

Emily shook her head. “I just need to get out of here!” The sentence came out louder than she planned. “What I don’t need is statistics from you regarding the probability of me dying in my sleep.”

“I know,” Reid replied calmly, he knew he would never convince her to stay. “I know you don’t need the statistics. You’ve probably never needed them, yet you always listened to them.”

Emily ran a hand through her hair. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” She apologized. 

“You’re allowed to.” He smiled before continuing. “Emily, ever since you joined the BAU and been in my life, you have been one of the few constants. Never ignored me. Listened no matter what. And I want to listen now” 

Emily laughed sadly. “You’ve always listened, Reid. I have just never been very good at sharing.”

“I know you are not okay. Let me help you. Let me see it, Emily.” He said.

Emily’s eyes widened at his statement, “I am not okay? What about you, Reid? God, Scratch held me for a few hours- he put you through hell and back.” She exclaimed. “Why are you thinking about me, Reid? After all you’ve been through these past months.”

“Because we can’t keep nearly losing each other! Over and over again. It has to mean more than this.” His words were fast and pouring out of him. “It's part of our jobs. But we always end up back here. Back here feeling-”

“As if the world was nearly taken from us.” Emily finished his sentence. 

“Exactly.”

“It’s different with you, Emily. It has always been different. Doyle, Cyrus, and now Scratch...the chains around my chest are tighter when you're involved. My brain is more urgent. More scattered. I only ever...” He swallowed. “I only ever feel like that with my mother and you. And it’s because I cannot bear to exist in a world without either of you” 

Tears burnt in Emily’s eyes as she listened. Listened to the way his voice peaked with emotion. Listened to what they had known for far too long but being afraid to ever utter out loud. 

“And I know that is not realistic. Not rational. I have lived in that world before. And I know that one day she will be gone and my mother won’t come back to me as you did. But when that happens, I need you to still be here, Emily.” 

“Reid-”

“I love you,” He cut her off and got straight to his point. “And I think you love me too.”

Before she could reply she found herself at his lips. Their tears mixed as they rolled down their faces. The kiss was brief, almost uncertain, but the intimacy was lasting. Her face buried in his shoulder as she cried. Her heart pounding against his own. 

“Stay with me tonight,” Emily said, voice barely audible beneath her sobs.

She didn’t know what this was going to start. It was a dive into the deep end. But she was already there. It was the only way through. Without him she was going to drown.

Turns out Reid was too.

“Emily, I don’t think I can be alone either,” He said. 

They only hoped they wouldn’t pull themselves under even more.


End file.
